Final Draft

The Journey that Changed My Life

My mommy, Sister, and I at age 4. 

This woman has never left my side through thick and thin.  She will always be the backbone to my weakness and the best friend I can always count on.  She is my mother, best friend, and caregiver.  From what I can remember, she was always the one person I looked up to.  She has led me to be a great woman myself and I can't thank her enough for it.  She showed us great love and always gave us inspiration to succeed throughout our lives. The farthest memory back I have of my mother is her always looking for me.  I was the little girl that believed I could do anything, so I would always end up lost and doing my own thing.  From then on my mom gave me the nickname "REBEL."  

We were the goofy ones of the family who never had a dull moment in our lives.  It was always something with her and I.  We got along so well and she was my side kick who was a rebel with me.  From doing doughnuts in the parking lots during the winter, to skiing on our knees during the summer, everyone was always saying for a good time call the "rebels."  

Senior Night 2009.

For a senior night you image walking down the field with your parents or loved ones and celebrating the whole entire night together.  To say the least mine wasn't your average night.  Instead mine consisted of one moment walking down the field with a smile from ear to ear and being happy with who was beside me to a moment of my mother and I crying hysterically in the stands while I held my mommy in my arms.  This was due to a few moments after our walk down the field she received a phone call letting her know her tests did not come back correct from her biopsy of her breasts.  From this night on my mom was suffering from breast cancer.  It was caught at an early stage but still terrifying when you hear the word "CANCER." 

Winter Senior Homecoming.

A couple weeks went by and my mother was okay in health awaiting her mastectomy surgery.  She came to homecoming pictures as if she was perfectly fine with none of my friends knowing what horrendous news we had received.  I was on homecoming court and all I could think about was my mom the entire time.  I didn't want to go; I wanted to be with her because who knows what could have happened in a matter of time.  However, not going would have been another thing I was going to miss out as a senior and too suspicious to my friends, with them asking, "Why would Chandler would miss her last homecoming ever?"  I had a fake smile on my face and walked down the homecoming court appreciating the fact that I could make it there but still constantly worrying about my mother and what she was going through.  The feeling of excitement was lacking but I knew that this was the last go around for me.  After waiting for about nine hours during my mothers mastectomy surgery we were expecting to hear the news of everything going well and my mother coming out brand new.  However, the nurse came outside to the waiting room finding us anxiously waiting and broke the news that the cancer has spread into my mothers lymph-nodes and there was nothing we could do about it but proceeding with chemotherapy.  

Graduation 2010.

During chemotherapy she lost all of her hair, and became a very fatigue individual.  Shortly after we had found out about the seriousness, I quit cheerleading for basketball and competition, didn't go on senior spring break, quit my job and became a full time caregiver to my mother.  This was very intimidating to me because of the possibility of not doing something right and harmed my mother.  I was only seventeen years old and this isn’t what I expected to be doing because it was very scary.  My father switched to the night shifts and I was there otherwise.  My role in my family's life was completely changed but I couldn't ask for a better wake up call.  I call this a wake up call because my mother deserved me to be there for me to be her caregiver as she was for me when I was growing up and it also has gotten me to realize it was time to grow up and move to the bigger world of college.  Being by my mother's side for a year straight and watching her health decline was really hard for me when making my college decision.  Carefully, I looked into Ohio Dominican University to continue my cheerleading career and still live at home. It was a spur of the moment that I had decided to attend Ohio University because if I didn't step away from my mother now I was always going to be a homebody.  As I broke this news to my parents I was hopeful to get their approval.  As my father was exited for me, my mother face conveyed nervousness.  She was trying so hard to keep that positive attitude but deep down she wasn’t so sure about what she was going to do without me.

Grandfathers Veteran's Stone.

A long news filled week went by and we received a phone call from my aunt in South Carolina saying that my grandpa (my mom's dad) was found dead in his bed with a gun on his chest.  My grandfather was fighting throat cancer while my mom was fighting breast cancer and they were the best of friends.  They sent each other letters at least once a week to talk about the troubles they were going through and the good things that were happening.  It was easier for them to communicate by letters since my grandfather couldn't talk as well anymore.  He wrote us a letter inside of his daily journal telling us, "no more shots, no more medications, no more blood, and no more pain.  I love you all, please understand.  Love, Dad - Grandpa."  Little did we know he was in so much pain it was unbearable for him.  In my mother's fight with cancer she used her father as someone to fight for.  It was hard for her to go through this tragic event but with love and support from the whole family we knew this was just another speed bump in the road.  

The wig I bought for my mother. 

Losing her hair was one thing that really tore us apart only because she didn’t feel like the same person.  My mom had told me multiple times during the fight, "I sometimes don't feel like a woman because I don't have the hair anymore or both breasts and half of the time I catch people staring at me."  This broke my heart because no girl with or without hair or breasts should feel like they are being stared at and questioned if she is a female.  She was offered multiple wigs from people and even a couple free ones from the boutiques but she was always too proud.  When I bought this wig she said, "I just don't like wigs, they make me really hot and make me feel like I'm not being myself." It was horrible knowing there wasn’t anything I could do to make her feel better.  I thought this would be the perfect gift for my mom I hoped to make her laugh and be the center of attention even when she doesn't look like all of us girls with hair everyone can still give her the attention she deserves.  I love my mommy and her humor. 

Only 1 Month till College.

After all the tragedies, my mommy was still fighting as hard as she could and I am still convinced to this day.  I was the reason for her to continue fighting.  No matter the situation I was always there for her just like she would be for me in a heart beat.  The summer before I left for college my mom was terrified to continue fighting with me by her side, to say the least.  I felt like I had done more then she had expected me to do so her needs were met but the moment  that I was going to leave she wasn't so sure she liked that idea.  I knew I had made a large difference in her life and I felt very satisfied but it was still hard to just be a caregiver for about almost a year, not leaving her side, and then just leaving for good.  For my sake, she wanted me to do what I wanted and be successful.  I knew she was always going to support me; it was just going to be a change for her.  My role had gone from a daughter to a caregiver in about 2 months and now to a college student that wanted to be successful with my own future. 

Parents Weekend 2010.

Of course my mommy missed me extremely much and so the second I told her about the first parents weekend of 2010, my freshmen year, you better believe she was the first one there.  The feeling of seeing her show up was incomparable to any other feeling you could image there were tears and hugs, and it had felt like I hadn't seen her in years.  We went to the football game and broke multiple sweats in the heat but had a great time together.  At this point I was doing great at Ohio University and my mother was actually getting along just fine at home without me.  She just always said that she was "lonely."  I felt the feeling of loneliness  could have been different if I would had stayed home.  With knowing the loneliness it sometimes make me feel rather guilty, but I knew I had to think about myself and what truly made me happy.  She was very proud of me choosing to get away for school rather then being at home and I was very proud of my mom for getting along in a very successful way at home.  

My mom on her final day of Chemotherapy!! 

My mother, Aunt, and I on the Big Day!

FINALLY, the day was here and the journey was over.  My mom did it, she fought the battle and made it through.  I felt so relived and happy, mixed emotions I couldn’t figure out.  There were tears of joy and a realization that anyone can make the battle if they just put their all into it.  Her smile of succeeding her battle crossed her face ear to ear, and she couldn’t believe what she had accomplished.  To actually realize it was over, the pain was over and the healing was coming.  She finally felt as if she mattered in the woman's world.  I did it, I was a full time caregiver and student.  The things I sacrificed finally led me to the feeling of achievement for my effort.  It was so good to know I made the difference in her life and I took the role of something not just anyone can do.

My Mom and I in November. 

Spring Break - Cancun, Mexico 2011.

The visits home continued, though now to simply eat a dinner and hang out my friends.  I had a great time with my mom and I knew she was getting stronger by having to do so many things on her own.  She was succeeding at getting along and growing her hair back.  She was doing so well and I couldn’t be more proud of her.  I was still attending Ohio University and achieving so much towards my career as my mom was finally in remission and couldn’t be happier.  She had made it so far and finally it was time for me to think of my future and actually concentrate on myself for quite some time.

One of the best things happened in the spring of 2011.  My mommy surprised me with a spring break vacation to Cancun, Mexico.  It was the best thing that has ever happened in my life.  It was unreal; I was really going to go outside of the country with my best friend.  A year ago from that day my mom was having a 9-hour surgery, so for us to get to finally be together it was great.  From taking shots, going to sleep worn out from the sun, to meeting people, it was one of the best weeks of my life.  

Before we went parasailing. 

As we were parasailing. 

I knew my mother has always wanted to go parasailing so we finally went.  I had to build up my courage because I didn't think it was going to be something I would enjoy due to the heights.  I had mixed emotions; I wanted to be excited and have a good time but when I was in the air over the ocean I just kept thinking what could be the worst that would happen to us.  It was scary but my mother loved it and she was so excited to share such a great experience with me.

Final day on the beach. 

My mom and I on the island with the Buggy. 

We got to visit an island where we took a buggy to get over there.  It was a great time to see another island as well.  The last day we took a huge risk and decided we wanted to get braids to return home with.  First, the lady braided mind and it hurt pretty badly from how hard they actually pull your hair.  My mom didn't think her hair had grown enough for her to get the braids but the lady pulled it off and gave my mom braids as well.  It was awesome to finally realize that my mother did have hair that was getting longer every day.  Everyone was laughing at us and we were a little bit anxious to get back home to see everyone and share our experiences.  That was the final day, and I couldn't have asked for a better way to make up my Senior year spring break.  It was the time of my life with my best friend.  

Race for the Cure 2011.  

The past two years we have participated in the Race for the Cure as a family.  We supported my mother's fight and I know she is very proud of herself.  Who she has made become today is incredible.  I am not someone that she can come to for advice, or a caregiver, or simply just a shoulder to take all of her emotions out on.  It really helped me mature quickly and, I believe makes me a better person.  It was the journey of my life and finally we ware a healthy and very close-knit family today.  

Race for the Cure 2012. 

Today, my mother is in great health and I am not a Junior in College with only one more year to go till I finally get to achieve a bachelors degree in Child and Family Studies with a gerontology certificate.  I am extremely happy with who I have become today and I wouldn't change any of it for the world.  It was a lot of work going through these serious life changing events but honestly I have grown to be successful, caring, and always smiling.  I am thankful for the way things turned out and I hope the rest of my life I will look at this and remember what a difference I truly have made in my families and my own life.

How to Encourage a Breast Cancer Caregiver

Works Cited:

"Breast Cancer." Personal interview. 2 Dec. 2012.
Harness, Jay K., MD. "How To Encourage A Breast Cancer Patient As A Caregiver."YouTube. 
       YouTube, 16 Nov. 2012. Web. 11 Dec. 2012.
Lepper, Bill. "6-14-10." (n.d.): n. pag. Web. 15 June 2010.