Final Draft

Always Wearing My Letters

Some of the most important experiences and people in my life have come from sources I did not understand beforehand and would never have expected. Fraternity life was definitely one of those things that I did not comprehend or expect. Even now, sitting in this room in my fraternity, it is surreal how much it and the brotherhood that it symbolizes have come to matter to me. The letters that are just outside this window might not mean much to anyone else, but to me they are the symbols for a lifestyle and what it meant for me to grow into a man. Three years ago, letters like those were simply just a symbol of a lifestyle with which I did not agree.

When I first came to Ohio University, I did not find myself interested in Greek Life or being a part of a “frat.” At that point, my dad had not spoke much of his experience of being a Theta Chi at Indiana University and when he did it was not particularly positive. My brother, who was at Ohio University the four years before me, did not paint a positive picture of being in a fraternity at this university either. It wasn’t exactly that I despised being in a “frat” or “frat guys”, but I believe I had a relatively superior attitude towards the situation. I saw that my brother had a great college experience and I did not really see the necessity of joining. Perhaps, I thought I was better because I did not need to be involved with those organizations to enjoy myself or have a great college experience. Then, I could not have imagined the impact fraternity would have on my life and what it would truly mean to me. I did not really understand what it all could mean. Never would I have imagined that being a brother of Phi Kappa Psi would define my college experience and me. Throughout my time in a fraternity, being Greek has been redefined for me and redefined me. There are some particular aspects that come to mind when I think of this transformation.

Friendship

            Friendship was the catalyst that brought me into a fraternity, and I don’t believe I would like to have it any other way. I’m not saying that I did not see the other aspects as positives and they didn’t influence my decision, but I would never have even been in that situation if it were not for the friends around me.

It wasn’t really until the end of the first quarter of my freshman year that I really settled into my group of friends. It had been a little chaotic for me because I had a girlfriend that came to Ohio University with me. From the beginning, the others in my dorm and me were good friends but later it turned out the guys that I spent most of my time with were rushing two fraternities. This made me look at the whole situation a little differently , but I still didn’t consider joining at all. The hazing I saw in one fraternity really turned me off, especially because they did not really depict why they were going through their pledge process. Even now I do not agree with the process they went through, but I can see where the guys were coming from with it. One of the fraternities, Phi Kappa Psi, was a little different than others I had seen so it intrigued me. The guys often invited me to a lot of their fraternities’ events, which I avoided because I did not see how they were worth my time. Organizations pertaining to my major were already taking up a lot of my time already. As I got to become better friends with the guys my curiosity was peaked, though. There seemed to be something else to this whole thing than I had seen before. I actually saw some changes in these guys and what really surprised me was that a lot of them were positive. Sure they went out a little bit more than everyone else, but they grew more confident, were motivated to succeed, and were really kind men.

I went to a couple events to check it out during winter quarter, and was once again surprised. That’s when I met the men of Phi Kappa Psi that would eventually become my brothers. These events weren’t very in depth but I got to meet some really laid back guys that seemed more like me than I would have assumed. I got a “bid” to rush Phi Psi in winter quarter, but I had a lot of pressure not to do it. My brother did not think it was the best idea and my parents were unsure. My brother and I were close so it was important to me that he understood my decision before I made it. My girlfriend at the time was also not a huge fan of the whole idea. Despite all of this, I knew I had the chance to be in something good even if no one else really got it. These guys seemed different to me than what I thought of as a “frat” guy. At the time, I figured it was just this fraternity. Of course the things that are attracted me to them were unique and I am glad I chose these men to be my brothers but later I learned most fraternity men were misunderstood.

Brotherhood

            As I mentioned before, my only biological brother was very important to me. Brotherhood was something I had experienced intimately before, but in a fraternity this can be different with so many different men involved. I learned early in life with my brother that there really was a certain level of tolerance involved in brotherhood. In fact, my biological brother and I are quite different people and we bash heads a lot. Still, we have a strong connection and I’d call him my best friend. This was a good thing for me to understand going into this experience.

            After I joined, I really enjoyed my spring semester pledging and reveled in my decision. I grew very close to those in my pledge class and started connecting with the brothers. This is when I really realized I was part of something bigger than I had expected. There was a lot more to a fraternity than I had known before. Something that really struck me was the "You are always wearing your letters" speech by T.J. Sullivan.
            "We're asking you to become something more.We're inviting you to become part of a group of men who make a promise to take care of each other, every day. We're asking you to become the very best version of you that you can be."

            I learned a lot more about this when I moved into the house my sophomore year and was thrust into a different culture than I had known but it was exciting. Soon enough I really understood the value of brotherhood. My girlfriend of two years and I went through a nasty breakup, which was made a lot easier for me by my brothers. I hadn’t gotten to know them fully, but I soon learned one of the values of brotherhood. I came back from breaking up with her, and a couple brothers were on the porch. They knew something was wrong and just let me fume. I knew they probably had better things to do, but they purposefully hung out with me all night. The next couple weeks I noticed everyone always made sure they could be available for me.
           It doesn’t matter what else goes on or whatever else, but each man in a fraternity has chosen to be with the others, which creates a really strong bond. Brotherhood in a fraternity was much more than just “buying friends’, it was finding likeminded men that would always be there. Dealing with that breakup went a lot smoother with my brothers around me, and I started to grow into a different person; I would venture to say it made me more of a man. Part of this was learning to rely on the people around me. This is also where I understood some other values of brotherhood. Whenever I make mistakes, my brothers have encouraged me to make the right decisions, and took me aside to talk about it. This is where I disagree with the article "Fraternities and the Rape Culture." He argues that men in a fraternity are encouraged to make worse decisions, like rape. But when I look at my fraternity, I could not imagine it being condoned. Everything we do reflects on each other, so in no way we encourage some action. It is extremely dishonorable in all of greek life and would never be condoned from my experience. We work through things together, even if we do not always agree.

            There were a lot of incidents where I didn’t always like my brothers or we got into conflicts, but that didn’t matter in the end. As brothers, we worked through every conflict and became stronger for going through it. This was even as simple as my "big brother" becoming president. I didn't always agree with the way he ran the organization. We got into some heated arguments about him making too many rules and not listening to the brothers. In the end, though, we sat down and reconciled our differences. In fact, all of the brothers got together and talked about the problem. We all were able to understand why some people did not agree. My big relaxed on some rules, such as punishments for not doing chores, and some of us realized the necessity of some of those rules.

            This really taught me a lot about dealing with people. I found myself with people I did not always agree with but we still had something that bounded us together. This bond allowed us to oversee each other’s flaws and appreciate ourselves as fellow men that were striving towards a common goal of becoming men that were worthy of our letters and of our creed. Overcoming flaws and conflicts with others was a huge life skill that I have learned from being in a fraternity.

            Often I am reminded of a simplistic but great quote about being in a fraternity, “I don’t always like my brother, but I will kick your ass for him.” There’s something about men that will always be there for each other even when they do not see eye to eye.

Growth

            At the end of my sophomore year, I was elected chaplain after an unsuccessful attempt at the beginning of the year. It was an officer position, where I was meant to be the “spiritual and moral leader” of the chapter. In our day and age, the position is different than it was originally intended. The chaplain is actually supposed to lead the chapter in prayer but that did not seem proper to me in an organization with men with different beliefs. Our only criterion was that we believed in the values of Phi Kappa Psi and religion is left up to the individual. At any rate, it caused me to really analyze my fraternity and what it meant.

            What I realized through this analysis was what was at the core of why I loved my fraternity so much: personal growth. I had heard this said by older brothers a lot but it took me a while to comprehend. My brothers that were around me were individuals in the process of changing and growing, and I admired that. They were men that weren’t afraid to admit they were not exactly who they were striving to become because they had a larger goal.

            Through this position, I started to realize this change within myself. The newfound confidence and strive for success that I had seen in my friends was now a part of me. The men around me were playing a huge part in shaping me into a man I wanted to become. Obviously, I am still in the middle of this process, and I don’t plan for that to stop until the day I die. Don’t get me wrong, being in a fraternity does also have obstacles to this growth, and it can go in a negative direction. Still, I do not know a better place to experience this growth either. There are not many other places in life that you can spend so much time with men that care where they are going and want to go where you do. A lot this redefined what being a fraternity gentleman or a part of greek life meant. Statistics like in the next picture no longer surprised me.

            This growth manifested itself to me in very practical and very indescribable ways. As I explained before, it prepared me to deal with people and how to respect them even when you do not agree. It has taught me basic respect for those who deserve it. My position and a lot of the aspects of being in a fraternity, even speaking at chapter, led for growth in public speaking.  I think Phi Kappa Psi taught me something unique as well, which was being able to strive above the status quo even if it was unpopular. The men around me were not afraid to be different from their peers to become what they wanted. Even as simple as our pledge process being different than others received ridicule, but they had an ideal and strove toward it. They wanted to respect those interested in joining our fraternity. I noticed my brothers did not care about others’ expectations but instead what we expected of ourselves. That morphs as the fraternity gets older and new members join, but I do not see this attitude fading from the Phi Psis at Ohio University anytime soon.

            Part of this growth process was also learning how to balance some of the more social aspects of fraternity life. A man in a fraternity can often be one that likes to let loose with his brothers, sorority women, and friends. This is great in moderation and, in my opinion, leads to a man that is balanced. Part of my overall growth has been learning that balance to become a fraternity gentleman that did not focus too much on either aspect; not too serious but not too unfocused. To this day, I struggle with this balance which becomes even more of a challenge as an upperclassmen. Especially for me, as yet again went through some major life changes at the beginning of the year. Overcoming this, though, will lead to an even stronger representation of being a man.

            My fraternity is probably now the single most defining aspect of my college career. It is not always the simplest life but it is very satisfying. I am glad and proud that I have my brothers standing next to me day in and day out so that we can lead each other to where we wish to go. This is something I do not plan to end for the rest of my life just as my growth won’t end. This unexpected lifestyle took me by surprise but I would not change a thing if I could. I am grateful every day that I wear the letters Phi Kappa Psi even when they aren’t physically there, and I will keep them on to remember what they have done for me, what they will do for me, and what I would and will do for them. So maybe I’m just another “frat” guy or maybe I’m just a guy that loves his fraternity because of everything is has and will do. No matter, I don’t plan on changing it, because instead I will strive to be more of a Phi Psi day in and day out.

Works Cited

Sullivan, T.J. You are always wearing your letters. tjsullivan.com. Web. 2012.

   The Truth about Greek Life. Sorority Sugar Facebook Group. Photograph. Web. 2012

   O'Sullivan, Chris. "Fraternities and the Rape Culture" Web. December 11, 2012.